Sunday 19 April 2015

Andrew the Mad Axe Man

The Poster Boys pulled-up outside a very grand house in one of our wealthier villages -  a substantial portico with sandstone steps leading to imposing double doors. I rang the doorbell and heard a distant clang. No reply apart from a melancholy Irish Wolfhound who peered out from within.

Most of these grand houses don't use their front doors so I trudged around the gravel to the side of the property where I found a well used kitchen doorway piled-high with Babour jackets and green Hunter wellies and rang another bell, this time answered.

A very sprightly lady who is was successfully hiding her years opened the door and greeted me with:

"You're not that mad axe murderer are you?" - which I though an odd greeting.
"No, no - not at all..." 
"Are you sure you're not a axe murderer?" 
"No, please trust me, I'm Andrew Kennedy (rummaging in my wallet for my business card). 
"Well, we saw you pull up in a van." 
"Why would you think an axe murderer would drive a van?"
"Well, they might do, they have to drive something." 
"No, don't worry - I am the Conservative Party Agent, I've come to put up your garden poster."

The lady looked someone relieved and shouted over her shoulder, "Don't worry Jean, he's not the axe murderer he's from the Conservative Party."  After a long pause a mystery voice replied, "Well, in that case you'd better let him in."

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